One Man’s Struggle With Porn, Masturbation, the Adult Industry And Victory.

Godfrey KUTEESA (center) during one of His Missions In Kenya.

Godfrey KUTEESA (center) during one of His Missions In Kenya.

GODFREY Kuteesa is a Writer, Author, Speaker, Apologist, Christ follower and Outdoor adventurer, Humble Son, Loving, Big brother,  Author and finisher of nearly 11 personal journals. “Lastly,” he said in an interaction with us, “I am an Ex-Porn & Sex addict. Ex-P.I.M.P.  In Summary, I am a Grateful victim of Grace.”

HIS STORY: How it all started.

That’s a hard conversation to start with someone else, but even more so it is a hard reality to face with yourself.  I got into this easily enough, why was it so hard to get out?

I was exposed to pornography when I was thirteen at a friends’ place in the neighborhood where I was invited to watch a movie. I thought it was a ‘normal’ movie until I reached his home. When I closed the door and the 3 of us sat intently, one of the friends reached out for the remote and played the movie on VHS cassette and to my surprise, it was a ‘Blue Movie’. By the time I had arrived in the room, the brothers had already watched the movie for 45 minutes and when I sat we watched for another 75 minutes.  I gave my heart to pornography that day, and it would be years before I would get it back.

Porn was a hobby, then it became a habit and an addiction within a year or two.  It had become the most important thing in my life and my identity. It was destroying me, but I couldn’t stop it.

I tried to fight it on my own. It wasn’t that I didn’t want help but I had no idea where to get it. By the time I was in P.7, my class performance was less than expected. I was living a secret life. Neither my mum nor my siblings knew about my little secret. I enjoyed it at home, but it haunted me at school. Late in the night in the dormitory, Porn images lingered in my head. I never looked for help, because thought that I was the only one going through such an addiction.  The church I attended did not address the issue of sex.  My family did not talk about sex either.  I did not know who to turn to. I was in the Seminary then and to make it worse, the Priests didn’t wanna talk about Porn.  Things looked hopeless. By S.3 I made my other greatest mistake of breaking my virginity. Just a few 3-4 minutes of amateur sex were enough to take my life and future further into addiction. Sex became a thorn in the flesh that led to the constant grade drop from about 97% to 34%, and sometimes even less than 10%.

I lost concentration, often while in class, I was thinking about pornography. There was absolutely nothing I could do to improve my School grades when my head was filled with this Junk.

At what point did you decide to stop? 

I figured there must be something intrinsically wrong for me to go against the unspoken “Code of Manhood” and get involved in pornography.  On top of being a porn addict, I felt I was a bisexual, even though I did not want to be.  I gave up on trying to fight it, and at the age of 25, began looking into joining the adult industry. I started venturing into the selling of women in Kampala as prostitutes. By 27 I was operating the best underground escort Service in Uganda.

I was done playing the game, pretending like my life was OK. I did not think that there was anyway God could really love someone like me. I moved from that level to organizing “Sex-Fests” and called them Orgy Nights in Uganda which attracted as many men from East and Central Africa and some from Europe. I did not feel the light of God in me. I thought that he was too late to save me. There was no way I could ever be anything more than the freak I was.  I owned my sin and gave up on freedom.  I had made my choices, and this was the only road left for me, whether I liked it or not.

A year later, a TV show opened the door to freedom for me. While I was being interviewed on National TV, and asked questions about why I support Men buying prostitutes, “Escorts” and using Porn, one man-made me realize that all was not well. This man died many years back but he succeeded in making me lose peace in all that I was doing. My life was a mess but I didn’t care however I remember the words he had said

“I know you struggle with pornography and masturbation, and I want to help you. I want  to make you my own messenger to the world. You’ll fight the same message you’ve been promoting. But before you do all this understand that I have kept and preserved you for such a time as this. No matter what you’ve done, am going to use you for my glory”–

Those were words that came silently but they meant something.  I had been dying to hear them for years.  I needed to know that I was not hopeless, that God could still rescue me, and He did.  I needed the ability to call the Devil on his bluff.  He had been lying to me for so long and using me. I closed down everything. From Escort service, to Orgy nights to promoting Porn websites in Uganda. My former clients felt bad but I had no choice other than following that man, who died at the age of 33. He died broke and he died miserably but now He owns everything.  He had now come to me.   That night in December 2013 began a journey of Freedom and yes, it has been a journey.  It is a journey I am still on.

What did you do to break free from Porn & Sex addiction?

Wow this is one of the most important in recovery and many people don’t know how to get past this level. Like I have mentioned in my past answer, there was a divine encounter from that man (Jesus) who died many centuries back at the age of 33. But then after that I had to corporate with Him as well so He could change my life. It’s not easy to give-up on something you’ve been doing for almost a decade. Breaking free requires a sacrifice. Then later you become real to yourself. You get ready to be ashamed but get healing.  I was ready to stand in public and say “am struggling with masturbation but I believe am gonna be healed” but doing this wasn’t easy though it was a simple step of accepting my weaknesses and then let that Man come take over. You can’t be free from something if you don’t see it as bad or dangerous. This extends even on Porn & Lust.  Freedom from lust is more than just not doing it anymore.

When I am invited to speak, I tell people, pornography and lust have such deep and underlying causes and consequences.  When Porn & lust come into your life, it becomes almost impossible to perform well in life. There are lies sown in those years of lust that take years to uproot.  Thoughts need to be silenced; opinions need to be changed; lies need to die.  The damage lust inflicts on a person’s heart goes far beyond what meets the eyes, but not beyond the reaches of grace.

So to answer your question: I became real to myself and accepted my life was in jeopardy. That was the beginning of recovery. Please note that being in recovery means you’re all-out clean and pure. It doesn’t mean I don’t get temptations. Frankly I do get them here and there but I remind myself of where I came from and the pain I went through.  To put it simply, the only person who goes to the shower is person who realizes that they are dirty. So am in shower on a daily basis.

My finding about Porn in Schools.

From Uganda, on a simple assignment to Kenya, I have been on the road, traveling around schools (Secondary) to get the message out to students that porn harms and affects their academic performance negatively! I am so grateful for these opportunities to educate the public especially the young generation on the harms of pornography and the hypersexulaized culture we live in.

Porn is a problem and no one seems to be talking about it. It’s a personal problem for many and a cultural problem for all. You may think you have not been affected by porn, but you have because it’s embedded in our surrounding Ugandan culture. The staggering size of the pornography industry, its influence upon the media, and the acceleration of technology, paired with the Accessibility, Anonymity, and Affordability of porn all contribute to its increasing impact upon the culture.

Through my missions, I have found-out that Pornography affects you whether you’ve ever viewed it or not, and it is helpful to understand some of its negative effects, whether you are a man or woman struggling with watching it or simply a mom or dad with a son or daughter or a leader. There is a plethora of research on the detrimental effects of pornography and unless we rise –up to bring such effect to the public, we won’t survive.

Is it Possible to be free from Porn.

My answer is Yes, Yes and Yes. But now let me explain this in a little more. Right now am Porn Free. This means my life or decisions are no longer influenced by Porn. Am no longer controlled by Porn. BUT being Porn free doesn’t mean that my brain is clear of any images of Porn I watched years back. To tell the truth, these images keep-on coming back but when they come forth, I arrest them instantly. I don’t let them settle in my mind because if they do, they’ll incubate and the results will be fatal. In other words, being Porn Free you’re able to see past the lies of the enemy. It means you take back the control of your life from the enemy (Porn). My life is controlled by that Man I told you about who died broke at age of 33 but He now owns everything.

It is purely possible to be clean from Porn.

Are you Based in Uganda or Kenya if someone needed help?

No am not based in Kenya. Am based in Uganda-Kampala. In Kampala I lead two organizations, FREED AT LAST FOUNDATION an organization whose mission is to reach-out mainly to the church community with the same message of exposing PORN & SEXUAL sin in Church.  We fight for a PORN FREE CHURCH!

The problem is that many church leaders around the world are afraid of talking about such issues especially when it connected to SEX. This is because in most cases they’re also part of the devil’s snare. Meaning they’ve fallen into sexual sin or in some way they’re addicted to porn much as they’re doing pastoral work. So this makes them ashamed of even mentioning about it. When FREED AT LAST comes, we do what we call #PORN SUNDAY in your Church. We talk about Porn, Sex, and Purity & Grace by giving personal testimonies, and finally teach people to make commitments.   We break the status quo: We attack about the toxic shame that surrounds this in our churches.

Problem is that in Uganda, we function in this space that says, “Sex is bad.  Being sexual is bad. If you struggle with pornography, you should be ashamed of yourself.  You are unworthy.  You are less than.  You are despicable.  Fix yourself.” I struggled with Pornography & Sexual Sin for 16 years but all this time I was in church. SHAME is what brought this.  That’s the culture that, unfortunately, is mainstream in our Ugandan churches

And this culture of mixing sex and shame is killing us.

So this Ministry FREED AT LAST is aimed at changing this kind of approach in church. It’s not just pornography.  Pornography is one piece in a larger puzzle.  We see the same scenario with victims of rape they are now “damaged goods.” In many cases when someone gives a testimony about being raped, everyone in church looks at them with a judgemental eye.  We see the same approach with men & women who have premarital sex; they chose what I call the “greasy cheeseburger” and “lost” something they can never get back just like me.

I hate to say but there is this model of the perfect Christian man & woman. This is blowing up in our faces big time when it comes to abstinence too.

Bottom line is our churches are so full of sexual shame there is no room for sexual grace.

And it needs to be the other way around.  We need to fix that, but you cannot fix a problem if you don’t see a problem.  As a church, we are great at saying the problem is “out there” somewhere- out in “the world” we call it.  “The world” struggles with porn.  “The world” celebrates inappropriate desires.  “The world” does all sorts of evil stuff and it is our job to change “the world.”

That is why FREED AT LAST FOUNDATION is targeted to the church. It’s not easy, because the shame is still there.  It’s like breaking free from your chains only to have people start chasing you with them.

PROTECT THE GENERATION

Another organization is PROTECT THE GENERATION. This organization has taken most of my time and it’s actually the one am pushing in Kenya. Through this we target everyone.  PROTECT THE GENERATION campaigns to protect children from ‘sexualisation’ and commercialization.

Our project is run by volunteer parents fed up of their children being confronted with sexualized and degrading images via the Internet, Television, local shops and supermarkets. Such images of PORN are damaging to children, negatively affecting their sexual development, relationships and self-esteem in school and makes risky sexual behavior more likely for the next generation.  This is the campaign am pushing right currently in schools in Kenya. I move to schools and talk to the students, then talk to the teachers and later I reach-out to the parents.

PORN & SEXUALISED images are very dangerous for our children.  I do believe it’s essential for parents, especially moms, to know what’s out there in the world and how easily an addiction to viewing porn can escalate and intensify. I want to help as many people as possible not to fall in the same mistakes I fell in.

This campaign has garnered support from an increasing number of people across Uganda and Kenya who are frustrated at the presence of sexual and violent content in everyday life. I want parents to take back the CONTROL of what their children are exposed to via the internet and the everyday life.

That’s why my efforts are aimed to lobby the government & stake holders to better protect children from harmful content online after research showed that nearly all 11 year olds around the world have seen online porn affecting their mental development. We have to CONTROL this for the sake of our children.

So to answer your question, am not based in Kenya, am based in my Country Uganda but am pushing this work around Africa. Currently am campaigning in Kenya and in May I will be going to Rwanda, then July go to Burundi then finish up with Tanzania. That’s why I invite people who love missions, volunteering and traveling to join-in. This work is open for everyone to participate in. Parents, Teachers, Students, Social workers, Muslims, Catholics, Adventists, Anglican political & cultural leaders and much more. We need support of everyone.  It’s fun once you’re into it. It feels good to have a cause in life and to know that’s what you were born to do.

Final Words : Thank you for the interview. Be blessed.

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4 responses to “One Man’s Struggle With Porn, Masturbation, the Adult Industry And Victory.

  1. Pingback: Operation Kick Pornorgraphy Out Of Schools & Libraries.  | Uganda Gospel Life·

  2. Pingback: Godfrey Kutesa Foundation·

  3. Pingback: #PornFreeUg Campaign Kicks Off In Style At Taibah International School. | Uganda Gospel Life·

  4. Pingback: Porn Free Uganda: A Campaign That Was On Kampala Streets -Godfrey Kuteesa Shares  | Ug Gospel Life·

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